I have only made like two things and done three sketches since October. Leading up to that, I filled two sketchbooks, dyed something like 200 scarves, and sewed a whole bunch of stuff.
Motivation is starting to come back, but I’m stuck. I might have developed The Fear, where I don’t want to fill my sketchbook with personal journal-style stuff because of how my life is shared now*, like, I’m embarrassed that sometimes I feel sad or whatever and I don’t want to admit it on paper in the case that it gets seen. Which is weird. And not me.
On top of that, my drive to do things keeps hitting during the time I’m at work, which means I get a lot of stuff done there, but it’s unfulfilling. When I get home in winter, the sun is at the exact angle that makes drawing at my desk impossible, which is sort of excusey but there’s no other comfortable place to sit. Or, when I get home, I’m hungry and tired and don’t stop eating until I can go to bed.
Wah wah, there’s worse things in the world but not drawing or making things leads to me getting really antsy and slowly losing my mind, and now I’m doing it to myself
*I have 20 years’ worth of filled books that prove I didn’t care about this before 2008.
